““In the midst of hearts and roses, a feeling of solitude roams, on Valentine’s Day, at times, loneliness finds its way home.””
For couples, Valentine’s Day conjures up images of candle-lit dinners, heart-shaped boxes of chocolates, marriage proposals, and other romantic gestures. But when there’s no “special someone” in your life, Valentine’s Day can be challenging. The rest of the world seems to be basking in romantic love while you’re considering how to dodge the holiday altogether. Some singles may experience the day as one giant taunt, a reminder that they’re alone in a coupled world. The result: feelings of isolation and loneliness.
Scientific studies have repeatedly shown that loneliness can have detrimental effects on our health. It has been linked to an increased risk of developing chronic conditions such as heart disease, high blood pressure, obesity, mental health issues, and weakened immune function. With these concerns top of mind, let’s take a look at a few of the ways that feelings of loneliness can become amplified on Valentine’s Day, as well as how to combat them.
Key Factors that Magnify Loneliness on Valentine’s Day
While each person undoubtedly has his or her individual reasons for experiencing loneliness leading up to, on, and following Valentine’s Day, there are several universal loneliness triggers:
Comparisons: If you are single but would like to be in an intimate relationship, watching friends and family celebrate their relationships with hearts and flowers can exaggerate any feelings you have of being alone. Around this holiday, the usual social media posts of exuberant friends, family, and colleagues appear to be on steroids; their over-the-top happiness can make you feel left out and discouraged.
Social pressure: In the weeks leading up to Valentine’s Day, it’s nearly impossible to avoid being exposed to highly romanticized advertisements, photographs, articles, and news stories about the blissful state of being in love. Such rampant commercialization is like rubbing salt in a wound for some people without a partner.
Reminders of loss: For anyone who has recently endured the loss of a partner, Valentine’s Day serves as a pointed reminder that your circumstances have changed, you are currently alone, and the times you shared with your romantic partner are behind you.
So, how can you lessen feelings of loneliness in the midst of all these potentially painful experiences? In addition to avoiding media as much as possible, there are many proactive things you can do.
Overcoming Valentine’s Day “Fever”
Here are 10 ways to reduce feelings of loneliness on Valentine’s Day — or any time of year:
Self-care: Treat yourself to a day of nurturing — go for a massage, sauna, yoga class, facial, or manicure. If your finances don’t allow for such indulgences, plan some lower-cost or free activities, treating yourself to a relaxing bath or a compelling novel, painting, writing, or watching a non-romantic or comedic movie you’ve been looking forward to. By prioritizing your own well-being and needs, you can foster a sense of self-compassion. As you develop a stronger relationship with yourself, you become more comfortable with solitude, and feelings of loneliness diminish.
Reach out to loved ones: There are several ways that connecting with loved ones can greatly diminish feelings of loneliness. First, such social connection and human interaction can help combat the isolation you may be experiencing. Second, reaching out to someone who provides emotional support and understanding can make you feel valued and supported. Loved ones can alleviate feelings of loneliness by offering empathy, advice, or simply an ear, which can contribute to increasing your sense of connection and belonging.
Host a small gathering: The presence of friends, family, or colleagues can reduce feelings of loneliness by creating a supportive and inclusive atmosphere. Not only does such a gathering offer a space where everyone feels included and part of a collective experience, but the process of organizing and planning it is a positive and purposeful distraction from the commercial emphasis on romantic relationships that occur around Valentine’s Day. It’s a way for you to co-opt the holiday for yourself and your friends.
Volunteer: Engaging in acts of kindness by volunteering at a local charity or helping someone in need can be a meaningful and fulfilling experience. Volunteering alongside others can help combat feelings of loneliness by creating a sense of belonging and purpose, as well as by directing your attention away from yourself and toward helping others. This shift in focus can contribute to a more positive mindset.
Engage in physical activity: Regular exercise is known to boost mood, reduce stress, and alleviate symptoms of anxiety and depression, all of which are closely linked to loneliness. Physical activity stimulates the release of endorphins, hormones that promote feelings of well-being and happiness. When you feel happier and more content, you are less likely to experience loneliness.
Spend time in nature: Immersing yourself in nature promotes feelings of well-being and provides a sense of connection and belonging. Experiencing the beauty and tranquility of the natural world can stave off feelings of isolation and foster a sense of interconnectedness.
Connect with like-minded individuals: Joining a group that shares similar interests, hobbies, or goals can provide an environment where you can engage in meaningful conversations and activities. Being around people who appreciate and relate to your passions reduces feelings of loneliness and creates a sense of belonging.
Focus on personal growth: Take advantage of your alone time to reflect on and set personal goals and work on self-improvement. By focusing on personal growth and pursuing your aspirations, you can enhance your overall well-being and create a sense of fulfillment that counteracts loneliness.
Practice gratitude: Practicing gratitude can diminish feelings of loneliness by shifting your focus from what is lacking in your life to appreciating what you already have, thereby cultivating a positive mindset. Acknowledge and appreciate the relationships and support systems you do have in your life, and appreciate positive experiences and interactions as they happen. While practicing gratitude may not completely eliminate feelings of loneliness, it can dramatically shift your perspective and reinforce your emotional well-being.
Treat yourself to a special meal: Taking the time to treat yourself to a special meal is an act of self-appreciation, a way to express that you value yourself and your well-being. This, in turn, can contribute to a positive self-image and serve as a positive distraction from loneliness by providing an opportunity to focus on something pleasurable and shifting your attention away from negative emotions.
Though Valentine’s Day has some specific challenges, most people experience times when they feel disconnected or estranged from those around them. By understanding these specific triggers of loneliness, you will likely recognize them when they surface at other times in your life. That can be the first step in finding ways to address it, whether by cultivating connection and self-esteem or undertaking actions of purpose and self-care.